Nov 13, 2008

Yoga fakes and money spinners

I have already spoken my mind about the undesirable trend of fleecing gullible people by offering them yoga. I have surfed the net a bit more and am in a position to help people identify outright cheats and fakes, half-educated yoga teachers and non-standard books/audio-visual aids/web resources and unnecessary goods on yoga. You are likely to find fakes with the identities listed below:

My sincere apologies to yoga teachers and followers and those selling yoga goods, who are doing it free or charging a reasonable/nominal sum and with the aim to benefit people with yoga, if they happen to have any similarity with the following identities.

1. I ADVERTISE YOGA TO THE LEVEL OF FANTASY AND THEN LURE PEOPLE TO BUY IT FROM ME.

2. MY FRIEND IS ONE STEP AHEAD OF ME; SHE SCARES PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR HEALTH AND THEN OFFERS SOLUTIONS THAT ONLY HER YOGA CAN PROVIDE.

3. I AM A CELEBRITY WITH GOOD HEALTH AND FIGURE. TELLING THAT I DO YOGA AND MEDITATION DAILY GETS ME GOOD PRESS.

4. I TEACH YOGA AFTER I DID A COURSE FROM SOMEONE WHO DID A COURSE FROM SOMEONE.

5. I AM STILL BETTER; I STARTED TEACHING YOGA AFTER ATTENDING SOME CLASSES AND LEARNING SOME FROM THE WEB AND A BOOK.

6. I HAVE INVENTED WEIRD FORMS OF YOGA BECAUSE THEY SELL. SEEN NAKED YOGA, WINE YOGA, SEX YOGA, WATER YOGA, HOT YOGA ...?

7. I HAVE GONE A FEW STEPS AHEAD: I HAVE PATENTED A SEQUENCE OF YOGA POSES.

8. I SELL CURIOUS MERCHANDISE FOR YOGA, STARTING FROM YOGA MATS, INCENSE STICKS, NETI POT, FURNITURE AND YOGA MUSIC TO UNDERGARMENTS SPECIALLY SUITED FOR YOGA.

9. I HAVE WRITTEN BOOKS MIXING YOGA WITH MYSTERIOUS CULT PRACTICES. I BET, THEY SELL BETTER THAN DULL YOGA BOOKS.

10. WHY SHOULD WE NOT SELL YOGA WHEN PEOPLE ARE READY TO BUY? WHY GIVE IT FREE? THEN, PEOPLE MIGHT HARM THEMSELVES IF THEY DO NOT DO IT BEFORE OUR EXPERT EYES. OUR JARGON COUCHED ADVICE IS THE MOST BELIEVABLE.

11. I INTERPRET YOGA IN TERMS OF MODERN MEDICINE [THOUGH I HARDLY KNOW MUCH ABOUT IT] IN SUCH A WAY THAT WHAT I SAY MAKES PEOPLE INSTANTLY GO FOR IT.

12. I HAIL FROM INDIA. THIS HELPS ME SELL MY PRODUCT AS ORIGINAL YOGA.

13. I KEEP MY HEAD CLEAN-SHAVED, MY FRIEND KEEPS LONG FLOWING BEARD, MY ANOTHER [LADY] FRIEND WEARS ORANGE ROBES AND PUTS ON A DOT ON HER FOREHEAD: THESE GIVE US A BRAND IMAGE OF A YOGI. PEOPLE FEEL, WE HAVE ACQUIRED GREAT SPIRITUAL AND METAPHYSICAL POWERS.

14. MY AMERICAN FRIEND ONCE WENT TO INDIA AND LEARNT YOGA FROM SAGES SOMEWHERE IN THE HIMALAYAS. HE SAYS, HE ONLY KNOWS THE TRUE SPIRIT OF YOGA.